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Fraudulence 
And a Joke
By Rose Rutkowski Posted in Uncategorized on March 20, 2020 3 Comments
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How do you struggle past the feeling that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you work towards perfecting your craft, you’ll never be worthy? I fight these feelings all the time. The feeling that nothing I write is worth a read. The feeling that there’s nothing I can say that hasn’t been said before, probably with more eloquence. The feeling that I’m still just pretending, playing a part; the feeling that sooner or later everyone around me will realize I have no idea what I’m doing.
 
Being a writer—hell, being an artist in general—is the ultimate test of imposter syndrome. What about me is any more special than the other millions of people who do the same thing? The answer is sad but true: nothing. There’s nothing more special about me than Jane Henderson down the street who’s manuscript has much of the same content as mine and about as much punch.
 
So why do we do it? Why do we still fight and frustrate our way through drafts and edits and unparalleled self-doubt? I don’t know. I’m not an expert. I just do it. I write and edit and write some more. When something feels off I change it, and when something feels right I treasure it for the moments worth of clarity that it is. I guess that’s what being an artist is: questioning your validity while fighting through and creating anyways. Even when you feel like a fraud.
 
So keep writing. Keep creating. Art is where we store the seeds and treasures of hope and truth. Keep perpetuating your truth—as long as the world turns it’s all we have.


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  1. We write not because we hope to make an impact on others, though that certainly never hurts, but because we need to make an impact on ourselves. Every sentence you put down comes from a deep part of your soul. Every character you put out there is YOU. Writing is deeply personal and helps us sort through our most horrid thoughts and feelings by applying it to words on a page. Writer’s sacrifice their souls to be heard. By putting our things out there, we can’t help but to take every rejection hard and every praise with eager ears. We live through our pens and paper and keyboards and documents. We breathe in ideas and transpose them to a workable and readable piece of art. We write not to compare ourselves to others, but to explore the journey ourselves and find pieces of ourselves we never knew existed.

    Keep writing! You’re really good at it. <3

    1. I think you’re right. I think it’s about self-discovery and realization. True mastery of craft has nothing to do with ego. You say that writers sacrifice their souls to be heard and I think you’re right. But I think it has to do with connecting. We want to be heard and understood; we want validation for all of those thoughts and feelings. We want to know someone gets it. There’s something powerful about a tale that binds many different people from all different walks of life. That connection is what brings us, humans, together, and gives us room to talk and discover one another. Something we desperately need to remember in these difficult times. So thank you for connecting with me Kailyn. And for the compliment. =)

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